My hardest lesson in love

God is amazing how He speaks. I've been really talking to Him today about how to love someone I want nothing to do with. Those who hurt me and the ones I hold closest to me. It is something I constantly have to give over to Him. I am a first born and tend to be very protective by instinct. I have tendencies and urges in my feisty Latina nature to want to write people off or snap back. I'm learning to let go.

There is a song that plays on the radio that I really relate to in a strange way. It is by a group called "Red Jumpsuit Apparatus." It is about an abuser and his relationship with the person he abuses. Some of the lyrics go "do you feel like a man when you push her around, do you feel better now when she falls to the ground?" The way I relate to this is that I see the "bullies" using their methods of assault through verbal intimidation, gang mentality, and blow after blow to the heart and soul of C3. That heartbeat being that of loving God and loving others. When God places a heart of love in people it is amazing what Satan will do to try to test that love. I want nothing more than to love God and love others but the devil is testing, testing, testing all the time. We've put it out there and he's ready to see how serious we are. I just don't get it. I wonder if it makes some people feel good to threaten, scream, kick and holler like a big elementary school kid wanting to dominate the playground with their posse. I've never really been afraid of the bully though. God has blessed me with not having a spirit of fear in this area of my life... alligators scare the junk out of me though... different topic. Even though I have little fear about the bullies in my life I still get very angry about the way people act. I constantly need to ask God to allow me to feel anger in a healthy way. I don't want to live in a constant state of anger. I don't want to sin in my anger.

Let me tell you about Matthew 5. It is in my face tonight. Since I'm talking about assault in one manner let me express it in a different form... this chapter smacked me right upside my head. A good pain though.... kinda like when you get a real deep massage and it hurts in the moment but when it's done you just feel at peace. So the answer to "how do I love someone I want nothing to do with." Let them hit me with all their strength again... I'm gonna stand there and take it. It is the best way I can show love to those who hurt me. Read it for yourselves. It's unbelievable! What a ridiculously hard thing to do. The funny thing about God is that He calls us to do what is entirely opposite of normal... what does the "normal" reaction prove? It doesn't prove love. It just proves that I can respond exactly the same as anyone else. He wants me to do something absolutely ridiculous! The scripture says that it is easy to love your friend but if you love your enemy it brings out the best in you. When someone gives you a hard time, respond with the energies of prayer. I do pray for those who have issues with the way God decides to move at C3 and then act on their issues. I'm making a commitment to pray like I've never prayed before for love to overflow in my life. So to make love win in my life I'm praying that I live generously and to those who choose to attack... I will take the next punch. Oh, by the way... love wins! Love you!